I am so proud of my son Ryan. And I’m excited to share this story today about acceptance, love and how I shifted my thinking and understanding.
It was such a beautiful day, I dreamed about it for so long. The day had finally arrived, the day my son would graduate from high school.
I had pictured this moment in my head a thousand times. I even went to the football stadium at his high school 2 years ago at dusk, and I climbed the bleachers and I sat there picturing him laughing with friends and throwing that cap in the air.
It’s been a long road for him, and it has not been easy.
On his graduation day, his cap and gown were all ready to go, and he had been to the rehearsal in the morning.
Everything was in place and then something happened that I wasn’t expecting.
He came down the stairs and he just looked at me and said,
“Mom, I can’t do it”.
I remember standing there looking at him, in total disbelief about what he had said. But I thought,
“Of course he will go, he has been talking about this for so long. He went to the rehearsal.”
I realized in that moment that I had a choice.
I could either get really upset and basically force him to go. (That would not be easy, to force a 6-foot 18-year-old adult to get in the car and go to graduation… and it sounds funny to me to even say it).
Another option would be to try to “guilt” him into going. (Yup! I went there.)
I could let him know how much we had all been waiting for this day, how much it means to me, and how disappointing it would be to miss this opportunity.
But I realized that this is an old pattern, and it was time for me to let this old way of thinking go.
This was about letting my son BE HIMSELF!
I literally had no idea what to do, so I decided to do absolutely NOTHING.
At first I told myself that I must call on everything I have learned about in ACIM so far.
I reminded myself that I have had all of this amazing training, and I practice and I live and breathe this stuff every single day.
I grabbed my course book and started looking for a workbook lesson that would “save me”, something that would make all of this sadness and disappointment make sense.
I thought Lesson 138 could be the perfect one that I was meant to hear.
“Heaven Is the Decision I Must Make”.
That one seemed to fit just right.
Well, it turns out that did not work at all! I had one of the moments I have heard many others talk about. One of those moments when they rip up their course book and make a decision that it’s all so stupid and crazy and it really makes no sense at all.
Heaven is a decision I must make…what a joke! This feels like HELL!
I felt there was no heaven to be chosen in this moment. I felt completely robbed of my moment of seeing my son having his moment.
So instead of trying to see it differently, I chose to just embrace it for exactly what it was, pure sadness. I decided to let myself have the night to wallow in it. I decided to let every feeling come through, and every tear.
In other words, I decided just to feel it, all of it, to let it come over me like a wave.
It was pretty brutal at times. Especially when I pictured all those other families celebrating this moment with their graduates. I thought,
“They are so lucky. Everything for them is so normal, their kid WANTS to go to graduation. What kid doesn’t want to go to graduation?”
While I was going through all of this, I wanted to hide how I was feeling from my son. Whenever I heard him coming down the stairs, I would wipe me tears and put on my “game face” and act like everything was just fine, but inside I was really sad and I felt like I just wanted to run away from all of it.
At one point my son said that he got do exactly what he wanted to do that day… to hang out with his friends at the rehearsal, and go eat lunch together. He was happy and relieved with his decision not go to the ceremony.
This time that I took was the best thing I could have ever done. I honored the pain but did not get lost in it. I did not let it push me back down into all of my stories of victimhood.
I let myself have that night, and by the next morning the pain had dissolved.
It was like all the sting had gone out of it. I don’t believe this could have happened so easily if I didn’t let myself go through those feelings.
When we deny our feelings and push them away and say they are not real, another opportunity will be right around the corner to go through this process. I feel it is best to embrace it in that moment and not try to be spiritual AT ALL!
Put it all on the altar, give it to God and Just HONOR it.
I found a particularly helpful workbook lesson in all of this. It was Lesson 190 –
“I choose the joy of God instead of pain.”
It says pain is a sign illusions reign in place of truth and it is your thoughts alone that can cause you pain.
The course for me really allows me to “reframe” my thoughts and bring me back to the truth.
It’s not actually painful that my son did not participate in a ceremony, it is simply my thoughts about what I think that means that cause me pain.
I really wanted my son to graduate, especially because so many people said it would never happen. I always knew deep in my heart that he could do it.
I had made a decision, even when nobody else thought that he could do it. I had even thoughts at times that he could not do it. But when I changed my mind, when I made that decision that he will do it and that it all would be just fine… everything changed.
The belief was there; the intention was there.
And this is all it takes!
All it takes is a decision, a decision to see things differently.
But the most important lesson that I learned during all of this and what I want to share with you is that we cannot be attached to the outcome of things.
When we learn to trust in God completely, then exactly what comes is really perfect for us in that moment. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
My son really did graduate from high school! He did it! He has a job now, he just got his driver’s license, and he has a truck. I mean this is AMAZING!
The form it took is different from how I imagined it, and this is where I have gained the most insight.
I have really started coming to a place where all I want is the Peace of God in every single moment. If I hit a bump and it feels like there’s some kind of big problem, I’ve stopped trying to FIX IT, and I allow the unfolding to happen.
I would love to hear how you have made the decision to move from pain to joy in your life, because your “shift story” will inspire others. Please share your comments below.
Dear Judy.
The last 3 weeks happened to me something like the same, however the stakes were not so high, like graduation.
My daughter decided to stop dancing after 6 years. It was a kind of a heartbreak for me, as she dances beautifully. First I tried to talk to her to change her mind, but then I let her finish this hobby. She was practicing a choreography for a show in 3 weeks time.
This week, less than an hour before the regular practice she asked me if her instructor might have taken her back into the choreography, she has changed her mind.
Luckily it happened, and for me, it was the best outcome.
I let the problem go, I offered it to God. I trusted that he would solve it as it’s the best for all of us, and it happened. If really God would have different plans for her, I would have accepted that too.
But not sucked in by the problem, but keeping it cool and going on with life without expectations towards my daughter made life much smoother and easier.
God knows it best, my ego would have tried to push my daughter to satisfy its egoistical needs.
The moment we take full responsibility for what we are feeling and allow ourselves to feel it, it will automatically dissipate. Suppressing only delays the healing.
Great that you honoured yourself Judy and let yourself feel it! 💞 LOVE K
Just want to say Thank You Judy, I know after reading as I Am learning to forgive myself I need to just be with all that is coming up and to feel it all!
This is truly beautiful Judy, and you nailed it! And isn’t it extraordinary to see the miracles unfold when we allow ourselves to REALLY feel the feelings. Ah. The freedom in that. Bless you both ❤️❤️
Dear Judy,
did he graduate after all the next day? It is not clear for me, that way you write it – I just know I am happy for your choice to feel the fellings and NOT get lost in them – and i still am curious if he did attend the ceremony – of if you were just as happy and proud if he didn’t 🙂
warm hugs to you
Nina
Judy Morton I love you. You are amazing and so is this story. I seem to be having this opportunity often these days too. Live only about five minute or less ride from daughter, granddaughter and great-grandson for the first time.
It has been for about 3 months and everything is constantly changing. Somewhere near the end of having done the 40Days for the 6th time something clicked. My default setting of pain and suffering is no longer running the show. I see it triggered and give it to HS. As you did I allow the feelings to do their thing, hand them over, and they dissolve in God’s timing.
Usually shortly after that the truth is revealed and I see how the “illusion” was in my perception. Each time I am not getting pulled into the vortex as deeply and for that I am deeply grateful.
Thank you beautiful Judy for confirming this with your heartfelt and honest sharing. It is life giving and once again I love you!
Judy I love how human you are, I love how your mind went through a series of events to find ‘your heaven’ and you just slipped right in and allowed all the beingness of the moment..the disappointment, the pain, and the wanting to change the story, your expectations of how things ‘should’ be and you just let them ‘be’….you flipped through it all in hours (instead of days, weeks, months and years…that is the power of ACIM) and you made the shift from fear to love ….you are awesome!! Thank you for sharing <3
Love it, Judy. Thank you. You inspire me.
Hi Judy! Beautiful teaching! I love to feel the suport of you having learnt the same thing as I am struggling with: almost every day I get disapointed, realize that I am, put it on the altar, struggle with not letting the feelings deside how to be, realize in the end that the problem is not there any more, it seems to change outside and/or inside, and I still get surprised and happy: the struggle to walk the line payd off! Lovely! It is beimg easier with every new situation now! Now I even have time to wait for others reactions too and involve them in the patience and not-being-but-having-and carrying the feelings until they dissolve! We stay in awe! Big hug! Maria
Thank you so very much about sharing your amazing story. It’s a miracle -:)
I am super inspired and the timing is so perfect. Your courage is so strong like a dragon and your unconditional love so powerful like the gentle warmth of the sun.
Thank you, Judy. Very honest – and nicely expressed. Bravo! 🙂
Very inspiring!!!!
Judy,
I love you so much and I totally love this story. I, like your son also did not want to go to the ceremony, I was an Air Force Brat and had only gone to school there 1 year and knew really no one it was 600 kids and hot and inside. My Dad made me go, they mispronounced my name and I really do not remember it.That being said he honored his truth and you also…it is hard for the parent when we build up expectations and fortunately we are better enlightened to “listen” to our kids now days. Bottom line he is doing fantastic and he has a super cool Mother that knows where her source is. That is really the best thing ever. You have the best lessons. I love you and honor the women you are.
Peace, Love and Light,
Becky
thank you for sharing your story. I to am adjusting to a decision my 18 year old son made 3 yrs. ago. I did get to see him graduate in june 2012, then the sept long weekend I got to spend a week with him and his girlfriend at a friends lakefront cabin. I said to my companion at the time, as Trenton and Tia were leaving, that I felt it would be the last time I would see my son.
Of course, what can I do with that thought? I don’t believe it, what would I do if I did believe it?
My son took his life nov. 23 2012.
Now I try to believe this was all part of the plan and the agreement we had together before we came here.
The physical loss of his presence is just so great.
I believe I am alive today because I want to believe there is a higher power at work and the plan is always better than what we could have imagined. I am trying to surrender to this higher power, as I see that the choices I have made in my life have not brought me to a happy place.
I continue to put one foot in front of another and work at healing. looking for answers to understand as best I can.
As you may have read in the FB posts, I went through the flooding of my home just a month ago today, and everything that I had so carefully shopped for and purchased to furnish my home just a short four years ago was all ruined, and put out on the curb to be hauled away. All of my furniture, shoes, leather boots, and many of my personal belongings and decor, are all gone into the trash heap. And I’m living upstairs in my spare bedroom with no kitchen. I’ve allowed myself to have my “moments” when I’ve acknowledged and grieved the loss, but I recently came to an acceptance of the loss and am focusing on the generosity of others that I’ve received, as well as the constant miracles happening as I stay focused on the blessings I’ve received through it all. I feel so incredibly blessed by all the positives in my life. This experience has broken down walls within myself that I didn’t know I had, and I may actually end up better off financially and with upgrades to my home that I’ve wanted to do for a long time. So overall, this “horrible disaster” has turned into a blessing, and my heart is overflowing with gratitude and love.
Beautiful Truth always, thank you for sharing the shift in your thinking, truly a miracle in action 😊 💜 👍 cool
Congratulations to your son Ryan on his graduation! And a heartfelt thanks to you, Judy, for sharing your journey of insight through another life experience. Each of us has the greatest resource at hand – literally reaching for our copy of ACIM – when our attachments and expectations seemingly let us down. Taking that first step activates our capacity to experience joy from perceived pain, as i’m reminded when reviewing lessons from the 40 Day Program or studying the daily 365 Lessons. Grateful for all of you at teachersofgod.org as always, Gwen
Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed it lots. Especially the part of letting go of the outcome. That I choose to hand over my day to God and then drop the expectation of how it’ll be, what will happen etc. Let me be replaced by God. Drop my identification and just trust. And rest there. I also enjoyed dropping the fix it , it’s so easy to start thinking how will I fix this , how should I think according to the book, how can I be most spiritual about this. Instead just trusting, letting the emotion go through you … Let go and let God.
I rescently lost all my belongings. Through a breakup and without telling details it’s been a gift and an really old lesson that had to be dealt with. Or that had to go through. I’ve had a chance to practice non attachment to materialistic things, I’ve had to be still in an imagined chaos, and I’ve had to forgive old thought systems about me only deserving love in a way of threats. I’ve had to forgive really old thoughts of separation and standing still knowing that in my defencelessness my security lies. It has strengthen me in my relationship to my Truth. ❤️🙏🏼
Judy!!! My goodness, what a gift your sweet Ryan and you are to each other and to US!!! You, my gorgeous friend are the perfect demonstration of what ‘acceptance’ and ‘non-resistance’ means. ACIM is most definitely not a course in suppressing our feelings, it’s about feeling those feelings, partnering up with the Holy Spirit and exchanging our ‘beLIEfs’ for the sparkly miracle instead – you did that!!!!! Woohoo! Thank you!!!! You did this for all of us – you are such an awesome Teacher of God!
Here’s my shift story: Would you believe this …. our daughter Lara also graduated last year and guess what? She didn’t attend the ceremony. She just wasn’t interested. Yes I was a little sad at the time but like you Judy, I let go of all ‘attachments to the outcome’, I didn’t ‘should’ all over her, I just LOVED her, I had complete Trust and Faith in God that whatever it was would unfold the way it was meant to. And our beautiful Lara now has the same glowing story as your Ryan right now, she’s working, she has her own car, and she has just been accepted into University to get her Bachelor in Human Nutrition – she’s happy so I’m happy!! Miracles abound my sweet friend when we hop out of the way and allow our Divine companions to take the lead – I love you xo <3
Judy,
Thank you for sharing. I have had small shifts in my life, i.e. When I forgave my mother for years of abuse and chose to love her. When I did this I actually enjoyed a relationship with her for about 9 years before she passed away. (I was about 29 when I recognized I as holding myself in bondage from experiencing forgiveness and love)
My second shift was giving up organized religion. This occurred in 2009 I had tried and tried, attending just about every denomination, joining choir teaching Sunday School and more…I must have prayed to receive Christ a dozen times and was baptized 3 times. But I would only feel good on the surface, underneath was only guilt and condemnation…then I heard God tell me to just pray and quit all the works I was doing to earn salvation. I began to pray, read the Bible, journal and try to listen. I kept praying and trying to find the answers. What I read and learned contradicted the teaching I heard in most of those churches. Then I studied Jesus, The One and Only and although from a Christian perspective I began to see love in a new way, this kept me seeking more.
My third shift was finding ACIM and Marianne Williamson about a year ago. I am hoping to find my heart’s desire to know God and His love, to live and dwell in His peace and to finally be free of all attachments to person, places and things outside of me and to once and for all let go of all fear and self imposed suffering and abuse. To uncover the hidden blocks within me.
I am so grateful for the many shifts I have had from a very angry, hurt child and young woman. I have softened through prayer and my mind has been illumined to some degree. As a midlife adult my only desire is to be totally and completely released. I’m excited about this 40 day program.
Thank you
Winette
Thank you Judy!!!!
Sometimes I like to remember, “God’s Will, not my own will!”, but we do have to honor the whining, complaining and sadness that goes on in our minds….. Just don’t stay there.
It is so easy to get caught in the whirlwind of this world. The key is to not stay there and not be guilty.
I love you!!!!
Bonnie Kimball
Thank you Judy for sharing your story. You are always so brutally honest and I love you for that. I’m beginning to suspect that we’ve all been through similar experiences, I know I have and I never would have been able to get through it without the wonderful teachings of A Course in Miracles, which teaches us that it’s only our interpretation that causes the pain. And you interpreted this so beautifully Judy and so generously, by sharing it with all of us. Thank you. So much love to you <3
Dear Judy-What a gift you gave your son…the freedom to express himself and for you to honor and respect his request. I can understand why he was so happy doing what he wanted to do that day w/ no sense of obligation! My son graduated near the top of his class, went on to an Ivy League college, and never attended his high school graduation. And yes, we did see him receive his college diploma…:) You are an awesome mom. I know you know it in your heart. You and Ryan are blessed to be together. What a beautiful tribute honoring your son and accepting what is.
I love how you share these parenting agonies with us Judy and show us how ACIM can help us so much as parents.
I had absolutely no interest in going to a graduation ceremony after getting my degree. In later life I looked back and thought why didn’t I think about my parents and give them that pleasure? I see people’s photos on their walls in their caps and gowns and I still don’t really know why but it just didn’t appeal to me to go to a ceremony or have those photos. Like your son, I just didn’t feel the need. It’s fantastic Judy that he was so clear and that you gave him that unconditional space to do what was right for him. My beautiful daughter has done nothing as I would have wanted !!!! She is my greatest teacher. At 16 she Insisted on leaving school against my wishes. I went through all the pain of letting go of my expectations about how things should be and the worry about her stopping education so prematurely. It was unusual at the time when staying on to at least 18 was the absolute norm, and then usually college or university. However, I also recall, as she asserted herself, secretly admiring her for following her truth and standing up to me. In the drama of it all I was very aware of part of my mind that was relieved to see that she was so independently minded and was not going to do things simply to please me . I hadn’t found ACIM when my daughter was 16 and it took me much longer to go through the process you went through Judy. ACIM saves us so much time . My daughter has natural entrepreneurial skills which I didn’t realise at the time. It makes sense now why she couldn’t follow a conventional educational route. She just needed to get out into the world and start experimenting! It’s an on going process. I am still challenged in our mother daughter relationship, on a regular basis in fact, but having done ACIM for 10 years and choosing to actively apply it each time, things resolve and disappear so much more quickly.
Thank you Judy. Love your articles, your mother love, how grounded you are, your honesty, your sense of humour. Claire
Dear Judy,
What a grace,tended You have given.FIrst By the Act itself to Ryan and to yourself, and also then to us by the narration of it.
I love these:
“the course for me really allows me to “reframe” my thoughts and bring me back to the truth;” and this; “This time that I took was the best thing I could have ever done. I honored the pain but did not get lost in it. I did not let it push me back down into all of my stories of victimhood;” and this: “When we deny our feelings and push them away and say they are not real, another opportunity will be right around the corner to go through this process.” Thank You, Judy for this thorough ‘unstuckness from a cherished something.’ By it You’ve extended the light onward into the world around.
As said already Congratulations to Ryan for his Accomplishment in Education, his driving and his Truck. And to you for yours in Mentoring, Mothering/Parenting, and in Modeling/Exemplifying behaviors of excellence. We/ I benefit greatly,
Gracias, Merci, good and goodness to You
Katya
What a delight to read your story, had a few of them, decisions to make without knowing what the outcome will be…….like taking my 2 children out of school when time and money as a single mother, with little support from their dad ”forced me”. I stopped worrying about what the family or others would say.
Worked out fine!
Dear Judy,
I was reading and reading and reading…. waiting for it to come… and there it was at the end… the Truth I knew had to be there for all this work out: “The form it took is different from how I imagined it…”
Simple, really. Tough to get to sometimes, but in the end… simple.
There’s a shop-worn old saying (but shop-worn from use) that if I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change (Thank you, Wayne).
The first half of that is what I go through when I encounter the disappointment of a situation… basically the “way I imagine it.” The second half of that is what happens when I step back from expectations and let go of my investments… or imaginationings (is that a word?) And then, the things I look at change. They become what they are without investments. They become free of the ego’s needs. And they become the gift which my brother has blessed me with to teach me Who I Am as God created me.
As for my “shift story”… This entire journey has been and continues to be the shift. Not one single instant which I have perceived here has fallen from the category of “shift story”. This moment for me right now is a major shift. You, dearOne***, are the blessing of this instant for teaching me Who I truly Am.
I spend a great deal of my day either silently, or sometimes NOT so silently, falling on my metaphysical knees and thanking brother after brother for the lessons they are here to teach me. I am humbled at the majesty of each gift which has been given in Unconditional Love.
The pain and joy and sickness and death and triumph and defeat and love and fear which my brother stands before me and offers as lesson to my True Identity is the gift from the Sonship. How could someone love me so much as to be willing to offer me this beautiful reflection of either who I think I am or Who I Truly Am? I can only repay this gift by receiving it in true humility and learning from it.
Time and time again, I fail to live up to the Love of my Brother. But that does not prevent me from trying again. And again. And again. Your son, Ryan, is the greatest Teacher of the Sonship. As are you, Dear Judy. I am filled with joy and blessed that this lesson turned into such a jubilant celebration of love for us all.
Best. Gift. Ever.
Thank you, dearOne***.
Peace, Jeff
BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN! http://www.BoycottBitches.com I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women? American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least. This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.
BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN! http://www.BoycottBitches.com I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women? American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least. This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.
BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN! http://www.BoycottBitches.com I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women? American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least. This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.